- Simone Jacob
Lust in old age... what is it?
We like to talk ourselves into things. Age is no exception. We act as if everything will go on as it always has, if only we have the right, positive attitude. My opinion on age and especially on pleasure in old age is:
EVERYTHING WILL BE DIFFERENT!
The hormones go into the cellar...Nature has arranged this cleverly, because having children is over with over 60. So why produce pleasure drivers and compete with women of childbearing age.
This is actually already the most important thing said. No hormones, no desire, consequently little drive to engage in sexual activity. Although our eyes still delight in well-built men, they neither conjure up hectic spots on our cheeks nor leave us pining. We have our own plans for our postmenopausal lives.
Finally no longer hormone-driven, we can do whatever we want. Hiking, reading, sleeping in, learning new languages, traveling, doing workshops, meeting friends. Sex has slipped down the list of priorities.
The thought of it comes up again and again, but suddenly it seems sooo exhausting. That big tiredness that hits you every few hours, often right after you get up, so you'd love to take another nap right away. There's this wonderful saying:
"Even at 60, I still feel like I'm 30, but only for half an hour a day."
Do you know this? I would never have thought it possible that this condition would also affect me at some point. My goodness, what I used to do, job, two children, horses, dogs, baking bread and spoiling my husband. And best of all, my life didn't feel exhausting at all. I suppose there are women my age and older who vehemently disagree with me and rave about their third spring. I am not one of them.
Today, at almost 60, I often have to pull myself together for an erotic encounter - even if I hate to admit it. And that's not because of my husband. He's wonderful and still very attractive, but sex no longer happens automatically and naturally. At the end of the day, when I have the choice between tying my body in knots or a lazy couch potato evening with a chip bag and a good movie, I like to opt for the latter.
But like everything in life, changes are there to perceive each other anew and to find solutions. For my partner and me, therefore, there is now a fixed date with plenty of time for intimacy in the calendar. This "WE" time has changed everything.
Intimacy means time to cuddle, cuddle, touch, massage, hold and above all laugh. Sexuality in old age is not about orgiastic heights, how long, how stiff, how wet and acrobatic positions, but about pampering each other, exchanging love, tenderness and warmth.
Performance should have no place in bed. Never and at no time - no matter how old you are.
And so I discover a new dimension of love and sexuality, free from entrenched ideas of how sex should be. I find myself and my own age-appropriate tenderness. In fact, I feel more feminine today than I did when I was 20.
What experiences have you had?